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What Sort of Year Will You Have?

January 25, 2012 By

You have probably heard the investment maxim, “As January goes, so goes the year.” If that’s true not only in financial markets but also in your own life, what sort of 2012 will you have — based on your results and resolve thus far?

If I can make it up those hills, so can you!

Resolve doesn’t mean clenching your teeth and muscling your way through. (I learned this years ago while bicycling through New Mexico. One of the group leaders told us specifically not to muscle our way through. Instead, she said, “It’s all about cadence.” Once I learned this, even the toughest hills became much more doable. Whatever hills you’re facing, this statement can also work for you. As Frank Sinatra sang, “Nice and easy does it every time.”)

So how can you use these last fleeting days of January to set the pace for the rest of 2012? Here are some questions you can ask yourself — if you serve in a leadership role, you can also adapt these questions for your team:

  • What level of health do I want — and what will I have to do or give up to achieve it?
  • How do I want to feel? For example, if you decide your goal is to feel great, you will find it relatively easy to let go of or get past the things that bring you down. And, you’ll spread good cheer to others. (I have always believed that assertive people are far more uplifting than those who are unassertive.)
  • What’s one skill or habit I can develop that will add the most to my quality of life?
  • How can I use my time, especially my commute time, more productively?
  • How do I want to contribute to the world, personally and professionally?
  • What adventure(s) do I want to experience and look back on in December?

You get the idea. I read a statement recently that said, “Live this year as though it were your last.” Whether we have one more year or fifty, this day and this year will never come again. Make them count!

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Effectiveness

Networking Should Feel Natural

January 9, 2012 By

Whether you work on your own, as I do, or you’re surrounded by staff and co-workers, much of your career satisfaction—and thus, your life satisfaction—will be determined by your business relationships.

Which is why we desperately need to pluck “networking” out of its traditional realm of the superficial and the artificial. For example, Harvard Business Review recently advised, “At social events, don’t just spend time with your friends and colleagues. Seek out the people who don’t fit in (hint: they look alone and uncomfortable) and strike up a conversation.”

(I tried this once on the playground in fourth grade—invited a third-grader who looked like she needed a friend to ride the teeter-totter. Two minutes later, while I was dangling at the top, she became distracted and darted away. Bam! Slammed me to the ground and knocked the wind right out of me. Suddenly I knew why she had so few friends!)

So how do you ensure your networking is authentic, enjoyable and worthwhile? Here are three filters you can use to evaluate organizations, events and interpersonal relationships:

1. Absence of inner conflict. Do you truly feel drawn to this person/opportunity, or do you merely think you should? As my brother John once said, “I decided I could do what was important—or what looked important.”

2. Trust, regard and mutual respect. When your networking passes these three tests, chances are it won’t feel like “networking.” Networking is elevator music. Connecting with those you like and respect is rhythm and blues.

3. Mutual benefit. One of my former co-workers, a rising star in the speaking world, was telling me about his modest friendship with a company president, a prominent figure in the community. My former workmate shared how he made sure he always had something to offer in return—a book, a quote, anything of genuine value. What a wise approach to any relationship, business or personal.

Finally—and I’m saying this as much to myself as to you—be careful about spreading yourself too thin. Go for depth over breadth, even when it means saying no. As Robert James Waller observed in his essay The Turning of Fifty, “You have fewer people at your funeral, but you get more reading time.”

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Leadership, Personal Effectiveness

2011 Home Stretch – Make It Count!

December 26, 2011 By

Last week, one of my peers shared that he had just returned from his first real vacation since he set out to work on his own, three years ago. You could hear the relief in his voice, and the renewed energy. I could even hear him breathing differently as he shared his goals for the upcoming quarter. He closed his email with “Woohoo!” 

Since each week has 168 hours, why not set aside two of them this week to look back on the current year — what worked well, what took you by surprise, what needs to change or be eliminated  — and then use what you’ve learned to help shape the year ahead?

Here are just a few creative ways we can invest our time this week:

  • Claim a spot on our 2012 calendar for a much-needed vacation, so we have it to look forward to
  • Identify the one professional goal that would make the greatest difference, and set a deadline for achieving it; do the same in the personal realm
  • Sign up for a 5K walk/run, and take the first step toward preparing for it
  • Take a recurring task that has always seemed laborious, and find a way to streamline it — you might even try following a checklist
  • Send an overdue card/email, or make an overdue phone call to someone who needs to hear from you
  • Establish one or more daily rituals at specific times, to stay on track with what matters most. Mealtimes can be a great place to start, or recommit to.

I don’t know about you, but I am not yet at the “Woohoo!” stage. But I challenge both of us to use this final week of 2011 to clean up, clean out, count our blessings, and get a head start on 2012 — and enjoy the rewards that inevitably follow.

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Effectiveness

Gratitude and Giving

December 12, 2011 By

Raise your hand—or better yet, send me a quick comment—if you’ve ever heard holiday sentiments like these:

“I sent 42 Christmas cards and only got back 39.”
“I spent all day preparing that meal, and you ate it in 20 minutes.”
“Why did you choose the bathroom to hang that painting I gave you?”

Psychologists tell us our greatest emotional need is to be appreciated. But what if, instead, we made our greatest emotional need to be thankful? This would offer three advantages:

  1. Gratitude is available to us any time, anywhere—unlike appreciation, which may or may not happen, or happen on our terms.
  2. Our giving would be “cleaner” and more rewarding. Why? Because we would give not to gain appreciation, but to express our own.
  3. When being appreciated is no longer the point, we find the thanks we do receive to be more than enough—which in turn fuels our gratitude.

So in that spirit, here are a few friendly reminders for how to make your holiday gift-giving easy, joyful and memorable:

  • Give what you can cheerfully give, without expectation.
  • Don’t give more than the recipient can comfortably accept.
  • Think in terms of the other person’s particular interests—golf, reading, etc.
  • Aim for gifts that require no explanation.
  • Put some effort into the presentation.
  • Have fun with it! And once the gift is out of your hands, kindly let it go.

Finally, when you’re the recipient, show your thanks in whatever way seems best—in person, by phone, in writing, even Skype. The main thing is to just do it, preferably in a way that adds to the joy of the giver.

Commit yourself to the art of giving and receiving, and you’ll change your whole world for the better.

P.S. And if you’re scolded for eating that holiday meal in 20 minutes? Smile and remind the cook that the memories will keep you warm all winter—and then offer to do the dishes.

Filed Under: Personal Effectiveness

Acceptance: Tough, But Worth It

November 28, 2011 By

Life requires a lot of acceptance. It can be sobering to consider all the things we’re called not necessarily to like or to put up with endlessly, but to accept as reality. Without this ability, we can easily get stuck—sometimes for years.

And though it might seem sort of grim on the surface, acceptance is our invitation to be free. It’s the thing that gives us back our joy, our sense of humor, our spark, and our power.

Rarely do we reach this state by force of will. Rather, acceptance seems to find us when we’re focused on something other than our frustrations, and other than ourselves.

Here’s an example: I recently shot a video for my website. It was my first time filming on my new iPhone, and I can’t tell you how many tries it took to get everything just right: the lighting, the angle, the alignment, the message. By the time I finished, I was so pleased with myself, I was all but pirouetting around my office.

Then I remembered the dilemma I had been dealing with outside of work—the one that had been draining my energy all week—and I laughed. What had seemed like an impossible crossroads now felt like no big deal. The only decision to be made was for me to lighten up—and to lighten up my investment in this part of my life, both of which worked wonders.

Jim Rohn said, “Some people you can be around a few hours, but not a few days. And some people you can be around a few minutes, but not a few hours. And then some people you have to walk away from.” Where in your life could you experience a minor miracle, just by shifting some of your energy?

Finally, acceptance isn’t stoicism, and it isn’t avoidance. True acceptance is an art that requires wisdom and compassion—sometimes more than we ever imagined. Yet the rewards are ineffable: joy in what we have chosen to become, renewed appreciation for those we love and work with, and an inner strength that nothing and no one can take away.

Filed Under: Leadership, Personal Effectiveness
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