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Networking Should Feel Natural

January 9, 2012 By Gina DeLapa

Whether you work on your own, as I do, or you’re surrounded by staff and co-workers, much of your career satisfaction—and thus, your life satisfaction—will be determined by your business relationships.

Which is why we desperately need to pluck “networking” out of its traditional realm of the superficial and the artificial. For example, Harvard Business Review recently advised, “At social events, don’t just spend time with your friends and colleagues. Seek out the people who don’t fit in (hint: they look alone and uncomfortable) and strike up a conversation.”

(I tried this once on the playground in fourth grade—invited a third-grader who looked like she needed a friend to ride the teeter-totter. Two minutes later, while I was dangling at the top, she became distracted and darted away. Bam! Slammed me to the ground and knocked the wind right out of me. Suddenly I knew why she had so few friends!)

So how do you ensure your networking is authentic, enjoyable and worthwhile? Here are three filters you can use to evaluate organizations, events and interpersonal relationships:

1. Absence of inner conflict. Do you truly feel drawn to this person/opportunity, or do you merely think you should? As my brother John once said, “I decided I could do what was important—or what looked important.”

2. Trust, regard and mutual respect. When your networking passes these three tests, chances are it won’t feel like “networking.” Networking is elevator music. Connecting with those you like and respect is rhythm and blues.

3. Mutual benefit. One of my former co-workers, a rising star in the speaking world, was telling me about his modest friendship with a company president, a prominent figure in the community. My former workmate shared how he made sure he always had something to offer in return—a book, a quote, anything of genuine value. What a wise approach to any relationship, business or personal.

Finally—and I’m saying this as much to myself as to you—be careful about spreading yourself too thin. Go for depth over breadth, even when it means saying no. As Robert James Waller observed in his essay The Turning of Fifty, “You have fewer people at your funeral, but you get more reading time.”

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Leadership, Personal Effectiveness

Holidays in the Workplace: 3 Ways to Make ’em Happy

December 3, 2010 By Gina DeLapa

Have you ever struggled with how to treat the holidays at your workplace?

A friend of mine, who’s Catholic, was asked to plan the office Christmas party. He explained to his boss (a Muslim) that it was probably more appropriate to call it a holiday party.

The boss shrugged and said, “Who are we bullshitting? It’s a Christmas party.”

No matter what you call it, I think you’ll find in the end, it’s all about respect. Here are 3 ways you can minimize holiday tensions and brighten up your workplace (if you look around, you’ll find these tips apply to all of us, not just Gen Y):

1. Brush up on a few traditions other than your own. A good link to get you started: http://www.interfaithcalendar.org. In the right context (e.g., in the lunch room, one on one), questions such as, “How do you celebrate the holidays?” can break the ice.

Just don’t assume that everyone celebrates the same way. For example, imagine you’re my friend Gilat (who’s Jewish), and one day you walk in to work to find your cubicle decorated for Christmas. Better to invite others to participate, and let them decide.

2. Stick with gifts that aren’t too personal. This especially applies when gifting your boss. Golf balls, maybe. Cologne? Probably not. A paperweight from her alma mater? Sure. A sweatshirt in extra-large? Not so much. Too personal!

Your relationship with your boss and co-workers is professional. Why not keep your gifts the same way?

3. Say thank you. How often have you been thanked too much? Probably not ever. Who doesn’t like to be appreciated? Look for opportunities to show your gratitude, preferably in ways that matter to the other person. More about this in a future post.

Have you taken this month’s Maestro poll? Scroll to Your Thoughts? at the bottom of the Maestro home page to let your voice be heard! Also, we love having your comments on our blog. Please share your workplace-holiday stories, rants, or musings in the box below.

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Leadership, Uncategorized

Thank Yous: 3 Ways to Make Them Count

November 24, 2010 By Gina DeLapa

Most of us understand, “It is in giving that we receive.” But have you noticed how the reverse is also true?  It is in receiving that we give.

When we don’t receive well, we rob someone else of the joy of giving — and, I’m sorry to say, we set ourselves up to be mocked. This is especially true in the workplace.

The Fruit-Basket Incident

Years ago, a bunch of co-workers in another department pooled their modest savings to buy their new boss a beautiful holiday fruit basket. They were proud of themselves for selecting such a nice gift, keeping it a surprise, and having it delivered to the boss’s house. You could hear them buzzing with excitement to see his reaction the next morning.

Big problem: There was no reaction. Just business as usual. Someone even called the company to make sure the thing got delivered. Yep, someone signed for it at 5:37.

At which point, the whole thing became funny, in a derisive, “Holy cow!” sort of way. The department was all but taking bets on when this guy would start munching one of his Harry and David pears right in front of them. Now instead of whispering about their excitement, they were whispering about every stupid thing their boss had ever done.

Is that kind? No. Is it reality? I think so. Imagine how deflated you would feel if you had been one of the contributors.

3 Ways to Give the Gift of Gratitude

1. Acknowledge. Whether it’s a gift basket, a letter of reference, or simply a job well done, acknowledge the good thing someone did for you. Even if it’s part of their job. Who doesn’t take pride in their contributions?

2. Be timely. In the case of the fruit-basket-receiving boss, even if he had thanked them later that week (which he didn’t), it wouldn’t have had the same impact. Don’t keep people in suspense.

3. Share your joy. One night last week, I shared my pizza with Thomas, the doorman in my building. He must have thanked me three different times, and told me how appreciated that made him feel. Who knew? Again, it’s in receiving that we give.

What are your workplace stories of giving and receiving? Please share them in the box below — the heartwarming and the horrific, the lessons in what to do and what not to do. We want to hear from you!

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Random Musings, Uncategorized

3 Questions Not to Ask (and How to Respond)

October 28, 2010 By Gina DeLapa

1. Who’d you vote for? If you feel like sharing, go for it. If you’d rather keep it a mystery, you can say that. No explanation, just a smile and a statement. When Caroline Kennedy was a child, and reporters would ask her personal questions, she would simply say, “I’m not going to tell you.” Other responses that work well are a cheerful ”Talk to the hand” or “No hablo espanol.” The idea is to keep it friendly, and at the same time, share only what you want to share.

2. Are you pregnant? (or any variation) I was at a party once where my date asked my co-worker’s wife when she was expecting. I knew she wasn’t pregnant, and though I played it cool and pretended not to hear, I thought I was going to die. Ladies, how to answer this one? You can deftly change the subject, as my co-worker’s wife did, or simply smile and whisper, “I’m not pregnant!” And keep smiling.

3. How old are you? It’s one thing if you get this from your insurance agent, your college roommate, or your Aunt Betty. But what if it’s someone you barely know? Just smile and say, “Guess!” Works like a charm.

Got Millennials?

Your new-graduate hires are bright, capable, and eager to contribute. Unfortunately, most of them have never been taught the unspoken rules of the professional workplace. Enter Maestro Consulting Group. My seminars get results because they’re fun, interactive, and tailored to your specific learning objectives. To learn more, call me at 858-678-8676.

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Uncategorized, Young Professionals/ Gen Y

Old Spice Campaign and 3 Takeaways for the Workplace

July 22, 2010 By Gina DeLapa

1. At work, “Smell like a man …” can quickly turn into “Man, you smell!” Men and women, let’s leave the fragrance at home.

2. If your workplace performance leaves something to be desired, a brilliant sales job will only sink you faster. Work on your skills and attitude first — then decide how much of an ad campaign is even necessary.

3. Don’t let one setback define your whole career. As I type, B.B. King is on my radio, crooning “The Thrill is Gone.” But if we stay in the game and move on more wisely than before, the thrills come back around again.

How’s your workplace culture?

Communication skills can make the difference between a tolerable workplace and a top-performance workplace. Let us help you raise the bar (and as my mother would say), reap the rewards. Not seeing the above link? Go to http://maestroconsultinggroup.com/programs-and-solutions/ or click on Programs and Solutions at the top of this page.

Filed Under: Communication / Etiquette, Uncategorized
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